Half The Woman?

 140 Reasons I want to lose weight (one for every pound I need to lose) 001. To prove to the cynical that I will lose the weight. ·         002. To prove to the cynical that I am not ‘big boned’ or ‘born to be fat’.·         003. To give my body the care and the dignity I deserve.·         004. I do not have to pretend I am happy as I am.·         005. To have more motivation.·         006. To feel less lethargic ·         007. To lengthen my life.·         008. To lessen digestion problems.·         009. To stop feeling embarrassed when going to the doctor.·         010. To slow tooth decay.·         011. To slow the ageing process.·         012. To reduce getting over heated when doing daily activities. ·         013. To feel healthier.·         014. To lower my risk of high blood pressure. ·         015. To lower my risk of diabetes. ·         016. To lower my risk of cancers.·         017. To lower my risk of hip and knee replacements.·         018. Not care if I draw attention to myself.·         019. Having the energy to run and play with the dog.·         020. Not avoid new situations because my weight may be an issue.·         021. Being able to buy what I like in a supermarket and not be judged.·         022. Not to feel I have to hide away from life.·         023. To prevent passing on bad eating habits to my children.·         024. Not feeling the latest target of government policy on burdening health  ·                 service or being the cause of global warming (What!!!!!). ·         025. To stop my ankles swelling up.·         026. To be able eat in public without being stared at for ‘pigging out’.·         027. No longer be the ‘jolly fat friends, who is a laugh’.·         028. Meet friends and not worry how much fatter I look since they last saw me.·         029. Not feel I am the ‘fat sister’ or that ‘sisters are so different aren’t they!!’·         030. Not to feel envious of those who are slim.·         031.  Not having to buy a big car so I don’t look so big. ·         032. Worrying whether I can fit in a seat belt in someone else’s car.·         033. Not having friends assume I can’t climb into the back of a 3 door car.·         034. To be able to get up discreetly after I have sat down on the beach.·         035. To be able to bend over and tie my shoe laces or paint my toe nails. ·         036. Not have to turn down an initiation because my weight may be a problem.·         037. To be able to wear a swimsuit without embarrassment.·         038. To not feel like a giant in a winter coat.·         039. To prevent comments or giggles about my weight from strangers.·         040. To being able to cross my legs comfortably.·         041. To feel more comfortable when sitting in an upright chair.·         042. To not worry about whether something I sit on will take my weight.·         043. Have a seat creak and people not think it is struggling under my weight.·         044. To be lighter than my husband (as I should be!)·         045. To reduce my double chin.·         046. My husband being able to pick me up (have never been carried over the threshold – 20 years married!)·         047. To not worry when I see a turnstile.·         048. To stop my thighs rubbing together.·         049. To be able to fit in long boots.·         050. My feet not being too wide for sandals. ·         051. Be able to sit in a public seat without the overspill of my bum.·         052. To find it necessary to check restaurant’s seat doesn’t have arms and I fit.·         053. To chose what I like off of a restaurant menu rather than what I feel I ·                 should be seen eating.·         054. To be able to fit behind a table and chair when they are fixed to the floor.·         055. During workouts I am seen to perspire not ‘sweat like a pig’.·         056. To feel that I belong in a gym.·         057. To go to the health club without people starring.·         058. To be able to shower and dress at the health club.·         059. Be able to walk without wobbling.·         060. To be able to go swimming without embarrassment.·         061. To find a bra that fits properly.·         062. So I won’t dread having photographs taken.·         063. No longer feel embarrassed if clothes don’t fit.·         064. To be able to find clothes that fit.·         065. Not being afraid to try clothes on in a public changing room.·         066. To wear clothes I like not just that fit.·         067. To wear clothes that shows a bit of skin.·         068. So I do not need to hide under clothes.·         069. To be able to wear shorter skirts or shorts.·         070. To be able to wear summer clothes to keep cool not covered.·         071. So that my clothes portray who I am.·         072. To be able to wear jeans.·         073. To be able to find jewellery that fits and not have to be resized.·         074. To wear this seasons fashion.·         075. To be able feel good in sexy and naughty underwear.·         076. To be able to look elegant in heels.·         077. Have the hairstyle I want, not what makes my face look thinner.·         078. To have nice skin.·         079. To go out and have fun and not hide in the corner.·         080. Have fun that is physical and not just be a spectator.·         081. Bubble cover all of me in the bath. ·         082. Being able to ride a bike in public and not feel humiliated on the small ·                 saddle!·         083. Run in a marathon and not only get to the end but complete it in a decent ·                 time.·         084. To be able to run for a bus and rush.·         085. To be able to feel good whilst dancing.·         086. To be able to take up tap dancing again·         087. Be able to take up ballet again.·         088. Feel I can let loose on the dance floor.·         089. Feel comfortable when I meet people from the past.·         090. To feel and look my age.·         091. To be able to swing on a swing, and slide on a slide. ·         092. Go down a water flume at the swimming pool.·         093. To fit in the ‘average’ size for the public, i.e. lifejackets.·         094. Able to jog during the day (instead of so early people are still in bed).·         095. Receiving male attention for the right reasons.·         096. To feel sexier and attractive.·         097. To go for a massage and facial and not feel ugly.·         098. To like what I see in the mirror.·         099. To have more confidence.·         100. To be in the ‘normal’ weight range.·         101. To be the best I can.·         102. Have health check without embarrassment·         103. To know I didn’t succeed for other reasons than my weight.·         104. My weight not stopping me from living life as I want.·         105. To see the end of my belly button (weird but true!)·         106. Know who I really am!·         107. Find tights (panty hose) or stockings that find and I don’t put my fingers ·                 through whilst trying to get them to fit.·         108. To fit in an aeroplane seat.·         109. To be able to ride in an amusement park.·         110. To no longer be obsessed with what the scales this time.·         111. To no longer starve myself all day before weight-in.·         112. To wear fitted waist bands instead of elasticated ones. ·         113. One size means –‘my size too’·         114. To get a job in the career I want.·         115. Hold a job cause I have to energy and health.·         116. ‘Obesity’ does not mean ‘me’·         117. Look good for my graduation photo not like last graduation pic.·         118. To have a cute tattoo on my ‘slender’ ankle.·         119. Make my family proud.·         120. Motivate others into losing weight.·         121. Know what it is like to live a /slim’ life for once.·         122. Sunbath in public.·         123. Go to have a spray tan.·         124. To enjpy being in photographs.·         125. Look forward to a party. ·         126. Enjoy shopping for clothes. ·         127. To say ‘I feel fat today’ and someone say ‘You’re not fat’ and it be true!·         128. Look younger than I am.·         129. Not feel food is the ‘enemy’ but ‘just fuel’·         130. Someone say ‘you don’t know what it is like to be fat’ and I say I do.·         131. Lose the weight and have other things to worry about instead. ·         132. Run my first half marathon for charity.·         133. To discover the enjoyment of activities that keep me fit. ·         134. Not be the heaviest woman in the aerobics class. ·         135. To feel comfortable in really hot weather.·         136. People think my husband is lucky having me on his arm (ego I know!)·         137. Become slimmer of the year/week ·         138. Enjoy watching the scale numbers going down.·         139. Feel free from my ‘fat jacket’·         140. TO SUCCEED AT THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE OF MY LIFE.

 Went for my weight-in today and have lost 1lb. Bit diappointed but then I haven’t been watching what I eat very closely. Being positive I have one less pound to lose. The aerobics session was great fun but I ache all over. Off to aerobics again on Monday evening, looking forward to it too.

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New stats:

Weight: 20st 0lb (280lbs)  -  Weight to lose: 10st (140 pounds)  -  Weight lost this week: 1lbs  -  Weight lost so far: 1lbs

Well I have had enough of my behavour. I really had a good think about why I do what I do. I came to the conclusion that I really don’t know and to be frank I don’t think I ever will and it really doesn’t matter. I am slowly killing myself by the behaviour I choose. I looked back at my blog of the 100 reasons to lose weight and even still all those reasons haven’t been enough. I think I need to change my patterns and hopefully the weight loss will follow. I am too obsessed with what the scales say and if I don’t lose what I think I should I avoid going to WW meetings. Then as I have missed a week I panic cause I think I should have lost more because the weight loss is over two weeks not one. Then I am too embarrassed to go back after missing weeks and ultimately give up for a month or two and re-join. Cycle after cycle.

So this time I am changing my cycle pattern. WW was really good and I stand by that. But for me I need to get moving. Past efforts of going for a walk at 6am only happened once a week instead of daily because I was always tired, put the snooze button on for the 30th time or hubby was at work too early and I wouldn’t go alone.  So I need to change all this. I have joined the Rosemary Conley Diet and Fitness Club. Why? You follow a simple rule of low fat, low GI and calorie control, that I will battle with and whether points or calories it is really the same thing. I am under no illusions that this habit is unlikley AT THIS STAGE to change. However, you go for a weight in and then do 45 minutes aerobics. But the biggest thing is: if you become a premium member you can attend more than one class a week for free. My leader does 10 a week!!!! I have worked out that I can attended 5 days a week and they are so much fun. I think this may be the answer to my sedantary behaviour and no more feeling guilty about no getting up at 6am.

I joined last week and have not had a good week! Surprise, surprise! I am not a premium member yet so haven’t gone more than once. So, tonight I am going premium. Funny thing is I have not followed the diet plan again and was trying to decide whether or not to go, but I have decided i’ll bite the bullet and go.

Wish me luck xx

New stats:

Weight: 20st 1lb (281lbs)  -  Weight to lose: 10st (140 pounds)  -  Weight lost this week: 0lbs  -  Weight lost so far: 0lbs

Well life has been terrible I have been ill for weeks with respiratory problems but I am getting out the other side at last. I have been going to my Weight Watcher meetings but the diet has been a bit up and down. I will not give up even if my weight loss has slowed down. I am hoping this weeks meeting (Wednesday) will be the start of a positive roll of weight loss. I have created a blog this evening which I am going to tackle all the other problems I have going on in my life and hope that it will keep my going. 

 Weight Loss This Week: 1/2 lb (gain)     Weight Loss So Far: 10lbs     Current Weight: 19st 4lbs (270lbs)     Lbs to go: 130lbs

 227 days to go (Week

 Well that word ‘LIFE’ got in the way and 3 weeks passed until I went for my next weigh in. I didn’t follow a diet and reacted to evey day stresses. I went in for a weigh in last night and I had a 3lbs gain!!!!! I knew I would gain and for that I am not shocked. I am just angry with myself. In my previous post I wrote 100 reasons to lose weight, so I guess that is enough for anyone to want to lose the weight BUT I never learn. I feel that so many things in my life are dictated by my weight so why do I continue to sabotage myself? I have thought real deep and I just don’t know apart from LIFE, HABIT and a lack of FOCUS.

I have been vastly overweight for many years and I just want to do the usual ‘girly’ things before I get too old. To know what is like to fit in the desired dress and look great in those shoes, for guys to take a second look for the right reasons and to feel less self conscious. I am a positive person but I am just getting so frustrated with myself and this cycle of sabotaging myself. I know I want the weight loss that bad so why o’ why? I think I really need to do some deep thinking and sort it out once and for all.

Well another day dawns and another day not to give up and keep going with or without knowing why I sabotage myself. x 

 Weight Loss This Week: 3lbs (gain)     Weight Loss So Far: 7lbs     Current Weight: 19st 7lbs (273lbs)     Lbs to go: 133lbs

I decided I needed to look deep into the reasons why I want and need to lose weight. I am hoping that writing them all down will be the incentive I need to keep me on track when temptation gets in the way. This is open and honest and how I feel. Everyone is different so I am guessing some things you will have empathy with me on and others you may not get. That is what makes all our reasons different. Gradually I would like to blog these in more detail as I go along.

1.  To have more motivation.
2. To feel healthier.
3. To lengthen my life.
4. To feel less lethargic
5. To lessen digestion problems.
6. To lower my risk of high blood pressure.
7. To lower my risk of diabetes.
8. To lower my risk of hip and knee replacements.
9. To lower my risk of cancers.
10. To be in the ‘normal’ weight range.
11. To slow the ageing process.
12. To feel and look my age.
13. To slow tooth decay.
14. To stop feeling embarrassed when going to the doctor.
15. To have nice skin.
16. To see the end of my belly button (weird but true!)
17. To stop my thighs rubbing together.
18. To stop my ankles swelling up.
19. To reduce getting over heated when doing daily activities.
20. Have the hairstyle I want, not what makes my face look thinner.
21. To reduce my double chin.
22. So I won’t dread having photographs taken.
23. To be able to find clothes that fit.
24. Not being afraid to try clothes on in a public changing room.
25. No longer feel embarrassed if clothes don’t fit.
26. To wear clothes I like not just that fit.
27. To wear clothes that shows a bit of skin.
28. To feel more comfortable when sitting in an upright chair.
29. To being able to cross my legs comfortably.
30. To be able to fit in long boots.
31. My feet not being too wide for sandals.
32. To be able to look elegant in heels.
33. To be able to bend over and tie my shoe laces or paint my toe nails.
34. To be able to get up discreetly after I have sat down on the beach.
35. To be able to wear jeans.
36. To find a bra that fits properly.
37. To be able to wear a swimsuit without embarrassment.
38. To be able to go swimming without embarrassment.
39. To be able to swing on a swing, and slide on a slide.
40. Be able to walk without wobbling.
41. To be able to run for a bus and rush.
42. Be able to sit in a public seat without the overspill of my bum.
43. To find it necessary to check a restaurant’s seat doesn’t have arms and I fit.
44. To be able to fit behind a table and chair when they are fixed to the floor.
45. To be able eat in public (i.e. an apple) without being stared at for ‘pigging out’.
46. To chose what I like off of a restaurant menu rather than what I feel I should be seen eating.
47. To be able to feel good whilst dancing.
48. To fit in the ‘average’ size for the public, i.e. lifejackets.
49. So I do not need to hide under clothes.
50. To be able to wear shorter skirts or shorts.
51. To be able to wear summer clothes to keep cool not covered.
52. To not feel like a giant in a winter coat.
53. So that my clothes portray who I am.
54. To prevent comments or giggles about my weight from strangers.
55. To know I didn’t succeed for other reasons than my weight.
56. Receiving male attention for the right reasons.
57. To feel that I belong in a gym.
58. To go to the health club without people starring.
59. To be able to shower and dress at the health club.
60. During workouts I am seen to perspire not ‘sweat like a pig’.
61. Able to jog during the day (instead of so early people are still in bed).
62. Not to feel envious of those who are slim.
63. To feel sexier and attractive.
64. To be able feel good in sexy and naughty underwear.
65. To wear this seasons fashion.
66. To go for a massage and facial and not feel ugly.
67. To go out and have fun and not hide in the corner.
68. Meet friends and not worry how much fatter I look since they last saw me.
69. No longer be the ‘jolly fat friends, who is a laugh’.
70. To prove to the cynical that I will lose the weight.
71. To prove to the cynical that I am not ‘big boned’ or ‘born to be fat’.
72. Not feel I am the ‘fat sister’ or that ‘sisters are so different aren’t they!!’
73. Have fun that is physical and not just be a spectator.
74. To not worry about whether something I sit on will take my weight.
75. Have a seat creak and people not think it is struggling under my weight.
76. To like what I see in the mirror.
77. To not worry when I see a turnstile.
78. Not feeling the latest target of government policy on burdening health service or being the cause of global warming (What!!!!!).
79. To prevent passing on bad eating habits to my children.
80. Not care if I draw attention to myself.
81. Having the energy to run and play with the dog.
82. Not avoid new situations because my weight may be an issue.
83. Being able to buy what I like in a supermarket and not be judged.
84. To be lighter than my husband (as I should be!)
85. My husband being able to pick me up (have never been carried over the threshold – 20 years married!)
86. I do not have to pretend I am happy as I am.
87. Not having to buy a big car so I don’t look big in comparison in a small car.
88. Worrying whether I can fit in a seat belt in someone else’s car.
89. Not having friends assuming I won’t or can’t climb into the back of a 3 door car.
90. Being able to ride a bike in public and not feel humiliated on the small saddle!
91. To be able to find jewellery that fits and not have to be resized.
92. Run in a marathon and not only get to the end but complete it in a decent time.
93. Not have to turn down an initiation because I feel my weight may be a problem.
94. Not to feel I have to hide away from life.
95. To have more confidence.
96. To give my body the care and the dignity I deserve.
97. To be the best I can.
98. My weight not stopping me from living life as I want.
99. Know who I really am!
100. TO SUCCEED AT THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE OF MY LIFE.

 Hope this inspires you and helps keep you going too. Mel xx

Well I have missed a weeks post because last week was a disastrous week as far as dieting goes. I never went for a run (fast walk really) all week and  LIFE just got in the way. It looked like I had gained weight on my scales so I did the worse thing ever and never went to WW that week. However, this week I made a bigger effort and sorted myself out. I only managed to go for a walk once this week - not really good. However when I went to WW last night I managed to lose a further 2 ½ lbs totalling a 10lbs loss.

I never know what I should do when I get into this ‘LIFE gets in the way’. As yet I have not found a way of keeping myself focused. I owe it to myself to make sure my diet and exercise plan is ‘LIFE’ and is higher on the list. It is so easy to slip into those bad habits!.

I am going to post here more often because coming here regular certainly keeps ‘LIFE’ at bay a little.

Weight Loss This Week: 2½lbs     Weight Loss So Far: 10lbs     Current Weight: 19st 4lbs (270lbs)     Lbs to go: 130lbs

Well this is my first post, so I think the best place to start is to tell you a bit about my weight history and what 261 days to go and the week 3 means.

Bit About My Weight History: Up until about 14 years old I was active (ballet was my life) and slender. Between 14 - 18 years my weight had increased and I was considered ‘fat’, even though I was still doing ballet. I do not remember how much I weighed but at some point I was 12st 2lbs (170lbs) - boy that seems to small now! By 18 years old I was married and at 19 years had my first child (b. 1990). I remember being a lot bigger than all the other mums and was very unhappy. Although I never put weight on I never lost it either. When I becane pregnant with my second child (b. 1994) I went for my first antenatal check I had written on my notes ‘obese’, I was 13st 10lbs (192lbs) (I am 5′ 7”).  By 1996 I had gotten down to 12st 4lbs only 2 lbs away from my lowest recorded weight. I was so chuffed. However, my hubby had come out of the military and we moved back home. Between 1998 - 2001 I did my nurse training at the grand weight of 15st 7lbs (217lbs) I was the heaviest student and my uniform was always too tight. By 2006 I had reached my heaviest weight of 24 st 3lbs (192bs). Due to one of life unpleasant events soon after, my weight dropped down to 20 stone (280lbs), where today is has yoyo-ed 10 lbs either side. So enough is enough I will be 40 years old next birthday and though cliche I do not want to be ‘fat and forty’.

261 days to go : I have got a place to take part in a half marathon at Silverstone race course, a week before my fourtieth birthday. I will be running it with my husband and for charity. I have chosen ‘The Stroke Association’ charity as that had meaning for me. In 1977 my grandfather had a stroke and never made it he was 65 years old. In 2007 my mother (62 years) had a TIA (mini stroke) and is almost recovered now. Losing the weight and getting regular exercise will hopefully reduce my risk of a stroke at an early age (gotta give my body a chance) and I will for the first time do something that I would never have thought of being able to achieve :).

Week 3 : Every Wednesday I attend my Weight Watchers meeting with my husband and daughter. I joined on the 10th of June at 20 stones exactly (280lbs). My goal is 10 stone (140lbs) eeeeek!  At the end of week 1 I had lost 5lbs which was a great surprise. At the end of week 2 I lost 2 1/2 lbs and got my first silver seven :).

 Weight Loss This Week: 2½ lbs          Weight Loss So Far: 7½ lbs          Current Weight: 19st 6½lbs (272½ lbs)          Lbs To Go: 132½ lbs.